Khawla bint Tha'labah ibn Aṣram was a noble and respected female Companion of the Prophet ﷺ who embraced Islam and gave her pledge of allegiance to the Messenger ﷺ. She is known as the first woman in Islam upon whom her husband pronounced zihār. She married her cousin Aws ibn Al-Ṣāmit, who accepted Islam early and fought in the battles of Badr, Uhud and the Trench, and was distinguished for his courage.
During the marriage, a dispute arose between them and each held firmly to his view. Their voices rose and in anger. In his rage, he said to her: “O Khawla … you are to me like the back of my mother.” In pre-Islamic times zihār was considered similar to divorce – it nullified the marital relationship and ended marital rights.
Khawla replied: “O Aws … by Allah, you have spoken a grave word and I do not know its consequence.”
He then left the house and went to his companions, recounting what he said. They differed in opinion, many thinking his words were said in anger and expected that upon his return Khawla would have calmed.
When Aws returned, Khawla reminded him that he had made her unlawful for him like his mother. He tried to convince her that it was not a divorce, but she said: “I will ask the Messenger of Allah, Mohammed (PBUH) ﷺ about our matter.”
Khawla went to the Prophet ﷺ while he was with Aishah, may Allah be pleased with her, and she tearfully recounted what had happened between her and her husband. The Prophet ﷺ said: “O Khawla … your husband is an old man; fear Allah in him.”
Khawla said: “O Messenger of Allah ﷺ, Aws is my husband, my cousin and the father of my children, yet I cannot disobey Allah. You know what befalls him at times of distraction and what he says without realising. So, judge our matter; perhaps Allah will provide a way out.”
The Prophet ﷺ replied: “O Khawla, I see that you are indeed forbidden to him.”
She wept and asked: “How shall I live alone when I am in need of him and he of me? How can we share one home?” The Prophet ﷺ then said: “Stay apart from him; for I see that you are indeed forbidden to him.”
Khawla was reminded that zihār was an old pre-Islamic practice and that – by Allah’s mercy – in Islam there must be guidance and ease. Thus, she continued in dialogue and supplication to Allah seeking ease and resolution.
The discussion between the Prophet ﷺ and Khawlah continued, as she was seeking a solution. She turned to supplication, calling upon Allah, the Exalted, to guide her and her husband to what is good. The Prophet ﷺ then left her with ʿĀ’ishah, and Khawlah began calling upon her Lord in tears, saying: “O Allah, I complain to You of the hardship that has befallen me. Will You not return to me the one whose separation has caused me such pain?” The Mother of the Believers, ʿĀ’ishah, wept as she supplicated to Allah on her behalf.”
Khawlah did not leave her place until she heard the Messenger of Allah ﷺ calling her, saying: “O Khawlah, rejoice, for Allah has revealed Qur’an concerning you and your case.” He then recited to her the words of Allah: “Those of you who ˹sinfully˺ divorce their wives by comparing them to their mothers ˹should know that˺ their wives are in no way their mothers. None can be their mothers except those who gave birth to them. What they say is certainly detestable and false. Yet Allah is truly Ever-Pardoning, All-Forgiving.” – 2 “Those who divorce their wives in this manner, then ˹wish to˺ retract what they said, must free a slave before they touch each other. This ˹penalty˺ is meant to deter you. And Allah is All-Aware of what you do.” – 3 “But if the husband cannot afford this, let him then fast two consecutive months before the couple touch each other. But if he is unable ˹to fast˺, then let him feed sixty poor people. This is to re-affirm your faith in Allah and His Messenger. These are the limits set by Allah. And the disbelievers will suffer a painful punishment” – 4
(Surah Al-Mujadilah 2-4).
